Thursday, 16 February 2012

The Three Musketeers

Rating: 6.2/10

"All for One and One for All"

Since this is an objective blog and I promised to deliver not only the good scoop but also the (I don't want to say bad hence I'll say) not-so-good scoop.

Today I will review a film I was rather reluctant to watch since I am not a great supporter of this new-found genre action/3D/defilement-of-classical-literature-on-the-big-screen. Of course then again, I might be a little harsh on this particular film since it was done before; 'The Three Musketeers'.

No matter if you have seen the Keifer Sutherland version back in 1993 or the less known version of 'The Musketeer' with Justin Chambers back in 2001, this version is a complete stand-out from the rest. Merely due to the fact that this version you can see the three(or four) musketeers bouncing through your screen in 3D, but also because it was like watching 'Resident Evil' but in period costume drama.

Of course the director of such abomination - okay abomination is too harsh of a word so let me rephrase - of such a lacking production - is none other than Paul W.S. Anderson who first filled our once simple-minded brains with the concept of what the f*** 'Resident Evil' is. Of course like 'Lara Croft' and films of such kind, 'Resident Evil' was based on a freaking video game. 'The Three Musketeers' is not on the other hand, which makes it all the more appaling to watch on the big screen.

I have to admit he did gather up a wonderful cast of brilliant actors, unlike the 1993 version of the musketeers which was infused with the American flavor of acting, this version was packed with the British invasion (apart from some); Matthew McFadyen, Orlando BloomMilla Jovovich, Ray Stevenson, Mads Mikkelsen, Juno Temple, Longan Lerman, Dexter Fletcher and last but not least the always brilliant Christoph Waltz. (why Christoph, why did you do it, why???)

The plot of the film is the all knowing story of the stolen diamonds of Queen Ann and how the musketeers fetched it for her to avoid the scandal of being found out that she was involved in any way with the English Duke of Buckingham.

And the story goes somewhat like this: "The hot-headed young D'Artagnan along with three former legendary but now down on their luck Musketeers must unite and defeat a beautiful double agent and her villainous employer from seizing the French throne and engulfing Europe in war." (

Pretty common plot, no objection there. But why in the world would they even consider involving DaVinci in the plot and how in the world did they come up with the idea of the floating ships and the air fights? I mean....really Paul.W.S. Anderson? I mean...really? Floating war ships in the 18th century France? And of course the English constructed this "masterpiece" first. Don't get me wrong, I am all about the English, but in all honesty the English are not known for their mechanical expertise.

I would gladly tell you to stay away from this film, but as everyone, now and then we all need some cheap entertainment. This is something of the sort. A lot of gun fighting in slow motion, a lot of dazzling visual effects and a charade of 18th-century costume (thumbs up for that as Milla's dresses, she did look stunning I gotta admit), and a lot of idle talk and uninteresting comic relief from the young and inexperienced royal couple, Louis XIII and his Queen Ann.

To sum up, yeah, if you want to have a jolly good time on a Saturday night with mates whilst everyone spills the pop-corn that's going round, it's a good mind-numbing flick. Other than that nothing all too special. Too much glitter in its advertising. Too many expectations, too little in its delivery.

Three Musketeers (2011)

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